So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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