Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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