There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
