I heard we made out
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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