So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
