i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
