I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
