why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
