a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
