i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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