Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
