I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
