and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
