I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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