just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
