and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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