Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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