do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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