I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
