Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
