Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
