i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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