He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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