If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
