There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
