This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
