he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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