This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
