Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
