This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
