We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
