Yo dont text me then not text me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
