I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
