Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
