so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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