I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
