mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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