jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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