You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
