Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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