I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
