She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
