i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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