at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
