It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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