So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
