when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
