addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize