Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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