We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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