pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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